I feel like I’ve gotten a lot smarter since I’ve met you. Not necessarily within my brain but my heart. I learned a lot from you, I don’t fall for boys as easy anymore. I don’t believe all the things they say to me with such ease. I’ve learned not to take them serious. I guess this is a good and bad thing but I want to thank you. Thank you for teaching me not to put up with and believe bullshit.
You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.
I don’t have a fear of commitment. I have a fear of abandonment. We all screw things up. I screw things up, especially with people I love. I get needy, I get moody, I get distant, I want to be close, I get confused. I don’t understand all of it, but I keep pushing because I hope this thing, this universe, there’s no way that I’m the only person out there who wants something this bad, if I want it, someone else out there must too.
I realize, that overall, you weren’t worth it. There were moments with you that made me really, really happy; but the majority of the time you shut me out. That’s why I swear I’ll try and get over you. We might have had something really great, but I guess we’ll never know. I’ll never forget the good times I had with you, but I’ll also never forget how you hurt me more than anyone I have ever known.
I want to wear your sweatshirt to bed, watch scary movies with you, talk on the phone till sunrise, sneak out at night to look at the stars with you, play your favorite video game, make you watch chick flicks, kiss you in the rain, go on walks with you, laugh until I can’t breathe, hold hands, build a fort and have a snowball fight. I want to fall hopelessly in love with you.
I tried so hard. You know that, right? I tried harder than you could ever imagine. Now, here I am, trying my best just to forget everything. Every piece of you. The way you smell, the feel of your skin. I can still feel you, I think I always will.
I’ve never really been treated like a princess. Not one boyfriend has spoiled me or even given me the slightest idea that I was labeled as “his”. Not one boyfriend ever made me feel like I was his number one girl, or even special. For the longest time I’ve settled for a decent guy, I figured I would always have to “put up” with a negative. But I’m learning I shouldn’t have to settle, no one should. You should have that Prince Charming because sweetheart, you deserve 10 times better than that asshole.